Throughout the years I have created a number of words that have defined my understanding of the world.  One of these words, Asian Doubt, is probably my greatest creation. It is defined as:

Originally created to describe Ming’s actions, “Asian doubt” is the inability for an Asian to act on his or her feelings and instincts because he or she over thinks too much and begins to doubt him or herself. This is most assuredly applicable in terms of 1) asking a girl or guy out on a date or 2) almost anything Asians do. That’s why Asians are stereotyped as submissive and pushovers, it’s because of this transition phase from thinking about doing something and actually doing it that causes Asians to doubt themselves.

Sometime around 3:30 in the morning a close Asian friend of mine instant messages me and says:

I sit with a bunch of girls at lunch.  Two of them are very good friends, one of them is the girl that I’m asking out next week.  Got any advice?

So I scour the internets, looking for a visual representation of my thoughts and feelings. So lo and behold, I have found this wonderful video to share to the world. Enjoy.

And yes, this also applies to you Ming. <3 <3

After walking back from class, I all-of-a-sudden realized that a fair amount of college guys attempt to impress the chicks around here by listing their knowledge on all these obscure indie bands.  How this random thought came into my head… I don’t know.  I think it’s because a couple of my friends are all-of-a-sudden listening to Guster (they think they’re indie) and then dissing the ‘popular bands’ right now.

It reminds me of this one time when Pitchfork came to SoCal.  They do an annual concert in San Diego and its actually pretty good, despite the audience and the people running it.

This summer I went “undercover,” with a thin black scarf, a clove cigarette, an empty can of PBR that I pretended to drink from, and the capstone: a fake band t-shirt that I made with a set of magic markers.  They were called “The Giggling Grench” and their logo was a stylized green-and-pink cartoon of a man vomiting musical notes, set slightly off center.

In the middle of the Public Enemy set, this one hipster who was standing next to me starts hitting on some chick.  As part of their mating ritual, he starts to spew a monumental list of bands hes “really into right now.”  Halfway through his speech he slips in “The Giggling Grench,” and points to my t-shirt as proof.

I was tempted to turn around and say that I was the frontman to bag the chick.  But then I realized I’m not a hipster.

Oh ho ho.  Hipsters.

Because of a friend’s fanaticism over the Twilight Saga, a series of vampire-based romance novels by Stephanie Meyer, I finally decided to read the first book in the series and finished it in the wee hours of the morning.

So, in honor of my beloved friend and hopeless romantics everywhere, here’s my attempt at fan fiction in the vein of Stephanie Meyer’s unique prose.

—

She held him to her bosom, feeling the beating of his tiny heart, so perfectly timed with her own. His pale, freckled skin shone in the moonlight, tiny golden sparkles catching the pale light and casting it back out in a cascade of flickering orange and yellow like firelight. She ran a finger through his red hair, pushing aside his tiny green bowler.

“They’ll never understand,” he whispered to her, his soft accent shivering her spine.

But I want everyone to know,” she responded sadly. “I want to tell the world of our love.”

“No,” he said, more firmly, looking up at her. There was a quite, resolute sadness in his shimmering emerald eyes, and she could almost feel the pain of his loneliness. “If they knew of me, if they were ever to learn of my existence, I would be hunted. I would know no peace. They would hunt me to the ends of the Earth.”

“But why?” she asked softly.

“It is my Magic. A Leprechaun’s blessing is also his curse.” He pulled away from her, casting his gaze up at the moon. “Humans will do anything to get it. They will never stop desiring it. They are always after me lucky charms.”

—

Please don’t kill me Jennifer!!

Every time Shane and I work on publishing the next issue of Prometheus we tend to stay up all night.  Luckily though, our despair from the lack of submissions was set aside early this morning as we realized everything was being submitted to the Prometheus Staff email address.  Excited and pissed all at the same time, this online conversation sums up my initial feelings of these tiring night.

(4:09:17 AM) Cuong Nguyen: “I Exist. Therefore, I am the Same Individual.” ?
(4:13:22 AM) Shane Steinert: yea i dont quite get the title
(4:13:59 AM) Shane Steinert: I = I?
(4:14:01 AM) Shane Steinert: brilliant!
(4:14:02 AM) Shane Steinert: lol
(4:14:05 AM) Cuong Nguyen: i think he’s talking about the identity over time problem
(4:14:15 AM) Shane Steinert: yea
(4:14:19 AM) Shane Steinert: titles are easy to fix
(4:15:43 AM) Shane Steinert: so you realize soon we’re gonna have to write our first rejection letters
(4:15:46 AM) Shane Steinert: WOW
(4:15:47 AM) Shane Steinert: lol
(4:15:48 AM) Cuong Nguyen: YES
(4:15:52 AM) Cuong Nguyen: I’M FUCKING STOKED
(4:15:55 AM) Shane Steinert: hahahah

Night!

For those of you who haven’t seen it, The Mysterious Explorations of Jasper Morello is an Oscar nominated Australia short film using steam-punk silhouette animation that tells the story of Jasper Morello, an airship navigator haunted by memories of a crewman who died because of an error on his part.  It’s a amazingly brilliant movie and features the voice talent of the Go-Go Mobile ads guy.

The reason I bring the movie up is that Monster Distributions have uploaded the whole thing onto YouTube.

I just love the Macabre art style which is prevalent in some of my favorite animated films like The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Corpse Bride.  Watch it, enjoy it and then go and buy the DVD so they get around to making more of them.

The duality of philosophies

A man in meditation
graced with illumination

A woman in contemplation
shadowed with earthly light

Both lost in private reverie,

each falling
into each others grip.

- Alethian

being, pertaining to, or resembling an obsession:

an obsessive fear of illness

I’ve been busy the past few days, finishing up the last little bit of work I have at the real estate firm I work for. Did I tell you I own a house now and I’m renting it out for $2,500 a month? I’ll talk about that at a later time but I’ll say this; get into real estate now as slow as it is! I predict than in ten year the housing market will pick up some speed. If not, soon (:

I also like to thank everyone who commented on my last post. I never dreamed it would garner so much discussion so it was definitely enlightening and enjoyable to read through all the comments. I haven’t had time to respond on the rest of the comments (only half sadly) but hopefully I’ll get to them at the end of the week.

Well, unless I start listening to NPR again.

If for some particular you don’t know what NPR is it stands for National Public Radio, a non-profit syndicated radio station in the U.S. And it’s the best thing since Ryan Seacrest’s syndicated radio talk-show hit Star 100.7 FM (I kid I kid I hate the fool).

It’s kind of sad but I have fond memories of NPR. I first started listening to it in seventh grade when my sister would drive me home from school. Personally, I initially thought it to be kind of boring. When you’ve just turned thirteen, you could care less about listening to boring old people talk about boring things like new species of turtles in the Galapagos or some author reading pages from his new, award-winning novel. Why listen to the radio when I can hang out with my friends, play video games, or laze around and watch television?

But then this one segment in NPR called This American Life changed my life. I was sitting in the passenger seat as my sister was driving us home and the segment was about people who carry childhood misunderstandings to adulthood. There was this one woman who, for some reason, didn’t realize that unicorns weren’t real, and she asked in front of her group of friends (yes, they’re adults) whether unicorns were an endangered species.

I sat there shocked; stunned in silence. I couldn’t believe it. Unicorns weren’t real?

I was never the same since.

NOTE:  Read the greatest unicorn comic strip here.

NOTE: For those who have tried to spread the word of God and send his beautiful message to the world, especially to me, I thank you. You extended your arms to me and gave me a chance to feel the happiness you feel, feel the hope and joy that resonates in you every day. Many of you were understanding and patient and answered my every question to the best of your ability and debated with me every step of the way. I have nothing against those who are Christians, Muslims, Jewish, and whatnot. I feel honored getting to know many of you. But I felt in the past year ever-increasing pressure from certain individuals who I have felt smothered and suffocated me with their overzealousness, giving me no breathing space. As I questioned their teachings and their faith, they gave me answers which seemed ludicrous at the time. But every time I tried to further probe the question, I was deflected and ignored. This isn’t a response against these individuals nor do I attack them. This post is a reflective piece of my experiences trying to know God and understand him from other people. I know that sometimes people love something dearly and sometimes get a bit too obsessive. I understand wholeheartedly. If you feel empowered and have a sense of hope in believing in God, continue to do so. I know that nothing I could write here could sway you.

But before you start making any assumptions, please understand that I’m not typing this relatively long post to cause controversy or persuade anyone to become an atheist. That’s the opposite of what I’m trying to do. I sincerely believe that your beliefs and moral foundations really stem from your own life experiences and only you can really decide for yourself what’s right and what’s wrong. I can’t tell you what to believe or what to do with your life. As you read, understand that this post is a culmination of the many life experiences I have felt over my short nineteen years of life. Some were fond and happy memories and some were heartbreaking and tragic. I won’t go into them in further detail here because they deserve to be explored at a later time. This is a personal reflection of someone who has found peace with himself from this simple conclusion. I finally took a leap of faith and found myself moving forward. This post is just what I simply discovered in the process. Enjoy.

I’ve come to the realization that there is no God. This is a pretty bold statement coming from a guy who has open his heart and mind to the possibility of God and has been influenced by many wonderful Christians his entire life (especially the past year). But I’ve also been irked by those who don’t seem to see the world around them. They’ve stressed on archaic beliefs and teachings and give answers that fail to explain anything. Because of this, I’ve contemplated on my own situations and other people’s situations, wondered about the ifs and buts and questioned the whys. But as much as I want to believe that there is a wonderful creator looking over us, I can’t. Doing so would slowly kill me.

There you have it. I said it. There is no God. But what that implies can mean many different things. I can possibly suggest that I reject the notion of any sort of omniscient and omnipresent being in my universe. I might be suggesting that the usual perception of God is absolutely wrong and that God is something totally different than to what they once believed.

But I’m not suggesting those things. When I say there is no God, I mean there is no God in my life. People must understand that being an atheist is a belief. You can’t possibly prove God nor can you possibly disprove God. The rational standpoint is to be agnostic.

Then again, I respect the religious and atheist more than the agnostics. At least the faithful followers and atheists have the balls to take a position and defend their beliefs.

Not believing in God is quite easy for me though. You don’t have to believe in solipsism to justify the non-existence of God (as many atheists unfortunately do). I personally feel that not believing in God escapes the notion that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified. If you have any inkling of love for truth outside of yourself, you have to start from the very beginning with no belief in God and then look for evidence of God. If you want to prove God’s existence, you need to find some objective evidence of a higher, supernatural power.

When I ask for evidence, I get some pretty half-assed answers. For instance, you have to seriously be joking if you say that I just have to believe and put my faith in God if I am ever to know him. I abhor this answer so much because it’s probably the most half-assed of answers ever. That’s not exactly empirical evidence. I’m sorry but I’m not going to blindly walk into the darkness throwing away all instances of logic and rationality. That’s not how I’m wired. I’m built to question and question some more. I’m meticulous and detailed in everything I think and do. That’s no possible justification to God. Instead, it’s a roundabout answer to avoid the question. As you can see, the atheism part is easy. It’s coping with the notion that there is no God that’s the hard part. It requires some leap of faith to see the big picture, some rules to live by, and an open mind and heart.

Please understand that being an “atheist” of sorts doesn’t mean I hate the world or I’m a selfish bastard. I’m sure some atheists are but I’m not. If anyone knows me, they’d know I’d be the first person to frolic in the soft meadows of an untouched valley on a bright and sunny day. They know I absolutely believe in the power of love and unity and what it can do to a person’s life. I very much enjoy life’s aesthetic pleasures. The soft hum of the autumn breeze and the gentle splashing of raindrops can keep me occupied all day. And isn’t that enough? The world is such a humungous and exciting place with so many places to see and explore. It seems a bit selfish to ask the invisible for more. I’m quite content with the comfort of friends and love of family. I’m looking forward to the future where I might one day find the love of my life and start a family of my own. I don’t need to look forward to heaven to keep me going. I’ve already won by living in the first place.

I love knowing that because there’s no God I can’t really be forgiven except by kindheartedness and sincerity. Believing there’s no God makes me realize I just can’t simply ask the invisible for forgiveness to atone for my sins. It makes me more thoughtful and understanding of others. In the grand scheme of things, my actions actually matter. Not pre-determined already by a higher being. I have to treat people right the first time around and not mess up.

Atheists aren’t arrogant and egocentric. If they are they shouldn’t be. Believing there’s no God doesn’t mean you’re solipsistic. On the contrary, it stops me from being extremely preoccupied with my own feelings and desires. The egoistic self-absorption that only I know what’s right and wrong, what’s real and what’s fake doesn’t consume me at all as it does for those who are religious. Some of the overtly religious have this perception that because they believe in God and follow the bible, they absolutely know what’s right and what’s wrong. If you question their “word”, you’re supposedly not following the so-called “right path” which is absolutely confusing and puzzling to me.

Because I believe there’s no God, I can freely communicate and discuss new and old ideas with different people with different backgrounds and cultures. The only truth everyone can agree on is not God but reality. And this is the gift of atheism; I can continue to keep learning when I’m wrong. Without God, growth and change is absolutely possible. We can continue to adjust and continue communicating, transcending not ourselves but our loved ones and humanity. Transcending to what is the important question. That’s why open dialogue is so important. The more people involved communicating with one another, the better the direction the transcendence becomes.

Change is the only constant and people seem to forget this.

I personally don’t like to associate with people who adamantly state or take the stance, “I have God and only God and believe this in my heart with utmost conviction and nothing you say or do can sway me from my faith.” You know what I call that? I call it a long-drawn-out religious way to say “shut up and get out of my face.” Just say it straight to my face to shut my mouth about something sensitive to you. Trust me; I’m not going to sugarcoat anything to you either. Those who discuss about their faith and why they so adamantly believe in it, those are the people I respect. At least they aren’t afraid.

For me though, what’s even more insulting than any horrendous obscenity or racial slur, is the idea that, “My imaginary friend God, who I grew up with since I was born, is more important to me than anything you or anyone else can ever say or do.” I understand that one must love God thing but I just can’t simply fathom the thought of a benevolent being such as God asking you to forsake your friends, family, and humanity for him if he wishes you to do so. Why would ANY sort of God do such a thing? Is it to test your faith? If it is, then it’s absolutely pitiful and cruel. I hope, deep down, that the religious are just interpreting God the wrong way. As I write this now, I feel so much pity for Job.

It just confounds me how established doctrine is unyielding and unquestionable. For example, that the New Testament can’t be biased because those who wrote it were filled with the Holy Spirit therefore their written word is actually the written word of God. Whatever you do to question such things, it all leads to the same conclusion, “It’s the written word of God therefore it can never be wrong.” Where is there any possible point can something be proven wrong?

I guess that’s why I’m saying there is no God. I love believing there’s no God because I can be proven wrong. Being proven wrong tells you that you have so much to learn about people and the world. Being proven wrong shows you that you’re learning something new. Being proven wrong is simply a blessing in disguise. People just fail to realize this.

Most importantly to me though is that, because there’s no God, free will absolutely prevails.

It gives me a sense of relief to know that God has no plan for me. It gives me a sense of comfort knowing that the continuous suffering I’ve seen with my own eyes and the tremendous amount of suffering in the world isn’t caused by some omniscient and omnipresent being that could care less about us or just testing humanity’s so-called faith. Because there’s no God, the direct suffering of the millions of people in the world can only be blamed on us. And this is good. It means there’s hope. It means we all may be able to help those suffering in the future. The possibility that our actions can actually make a difference is a beacon of hope that God could never prevent.

No God means the possibility of a better tomorrow.

No God means more room for believing in other things.

I can freely believe in the power of magic, Harry Potter status.

I can freely believe that love is not blind; it sees but does not mind, and that love never has a happy ending because it never ends.

But of course, I can freely believe that my actions are my own, and that no person or higher being can ever take them away from me.

Because my brother-in-law looks ridiculous eating my sister's food.

So I never really have been interested with cooking before. It’s not like I don’t enjoy food, I love food. I would eat my heart’s desire if I could (and believe me; the food my mom makes is absolutely delicious!). But with my mother’s domination over the kitchen there’s no real incentive in learning how to cook. If you have someone making you food all the time, what’s the point of learning how to cook anyhow? Even during my freshman year I had no incentive to cook because I had no stove or kitchen. The only thing I could do to get my usual daily intake of food was at the Fresh Food Café (let’s not talk about that) and late night runs to University Market (very unhealthy!).

But I realized something. Something beautiful and grand that will make sophomore year ever-so awesome. I actually have a small kitchen and stove to experiment with. That’s right; I can finally begin to experiment with different foods and indulge in my own creations.

You might be asking, “Why do you want to cook all of a sudden? Couldn’t you just continue your usual routine? Eat at Levering, Nolans, and University Market every day and night?” Yes, that’s a legitimate question. But consider a few things:

1. It’s boring.

2. It’s unhealthy.

3. It’s even more boring?

I lost 27 pounds in 6 weeks and I plan to keep the weight off and maybe even lost more weight. I need to figure out an efficient way to watch my weight, entertain myself and guests, and eat healthier all the same time. Why not cook? I know I’ll be sick of burgers and sandwiches like I was freshman year. I want to be able to crave for Chicken and Sausage Gumbo with Jalapeño Cheddar Corn Bread and be able to make it with no troubles (besides getting the ingredients). I want to possess a useful skill that will last me for years to come. It seems absolutely perfect!

Plus, I’m a picky eater. I don’t like to eat my veggies if I don’t have too (as my older sister likes to point out so often) and maybe this will encourage me to broaden my food horizons. And after reading my sister’s awesome food blog (The Suite Morsel) I just can’t stop thinking about making my own food and eating my own food.

There’s one problem though. I don’t know where to start. If you asked me I could make you delicious fried rice, ramen, and cooked meat; but that’s about it. As a soon-to-be cook-in-training I don’t know where to start. I don’t have the cooking supplies necessary to make anything. I often get overblown in my imagination and start making large and ambitious plans that often crumble the farther I get into it. I thought about joining the Hopkins’ Cooking Club but it looks kind-of intimidating. I don’t know if I’m ready for such a commitment.

I’m thinking of maybe starting slow and easy; prepare a new and original dish once a week. Maybe using a recipe I find somewhere online and see how everyone (meaning my suitemates) likes it. When it comes to cooking for me, I’ll try new things. It’ll give me something to look forward too during the day after classes. Scouring the internet for something tasty and delicious, scouring and buying ingredients at Charles Street Market (I refuse to call it CharMar!) or Trader Joes, and finally cooking and eating it.

So if I’ve tagged you in this note; I either 1) want you to eventually eat my delectable experiments, 2) join me in the kitchen one night and help (or teach) me to prepare a full-course meal, or 3) all of the above!

Don’t worry, I won’t poison you. I’ll make sure to test my dishes with my suitemates before letting the masses taste a sample of it.